Kassi's Graduation

~CONGRATULATIONS KASSI~

This past weekend we celebrated Dustin's oldest sisters High School Graduation. We sent on Saturday to her Open House at her Dad and Step-Mom's house. It was really nice, good food, and good celebration. Dustin's Mom came into town and stayed with us along with Kassi and Alex Saturday night. We had a BBQ at our house with them and even did Smores on the grill! Then Sunday was the Ceremony at Kemper Arena. It was well put together and very nice. Kassi is planning on getting a teaching degree to teach preschool.

Dustin & Kassi

Dustin, Kassi, Alex (his little brother), and Roseanna (Dustin's real Mom)

"The Kids"

Kassi's cake was really neat. The picture turned out really good. The paper rolled up was an actual minature diploma!

One of Kassi's Senior pictures.

The Graduate on her Big Day!

Mom & Graduate

Blue Valley West Logo was on the big screen.

Receiving her Diploma

We are so proud of you Kassi!!!

2 Things

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!

It is my Mom's Birthday today. She doesn't think it is a big deal, so we won't be doing any celebrating but she still deserves a Birthday Wish.

Secondly, a coworker of mine lost her sister in a bad car accident last night. It happened on 119th street in Overland Park (it was on the news). Please keep her and her family in your thoughts and prayers as the move through this difficult time.

This Sums it Up

Below is a poem that a coworker of mine had posted on her blog. I think it sums up many of the thoughts and feelings I have on a daily basis. I did change a couple lines in the poem to fit more to where I am currently in my journey.

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.

I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.

I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.

My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body.

I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I will prevail. I will succeed. I will win.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I will be a wonderful mother.

We have baby fever even more now after welcoming our friends new babys this month. We are in the process now of changing to insurance with my work and setting up an appt with the Reproductive Endocronoligist. We have found that the Lovenox injections I am going to need will be approx $500 - $600 per month. I know it sounds like a lot, but it is worth it to have our little miracle we are dreaming of. Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed the poem and that it gave you some insight as to what I am experiencing.

I do still believe that everything happens for a reason, I just don't know the reason yet.

Another Baby In Our Circle

Our friends Aaron & Angela welcomed baby Jacob to the world on May 9, 2008. He weighed in at 6lb 7oz and 18" long. It is becoming baby madness around here.

This is their 3rd baby, they also have a 4 year old girl and a 3 year old boy.

Just waking up.

So small & lots of hair.

WHO'S NEXT?!?!

5 Days Old

Our close friends new baby Lincoln was 5 days old this past weekend. We spent Friday evening with them & here is a few pictures we snapped. He is already getting bigger!

I just can't get enough of this little guy! He is so sweet & innocent.

Pictures on the Wall

As mentioned in a previous post, we finally have pictures on the wall in our family room. It is only appropriate since we will be here 4 years in August. We had a hard time deciding what to even put on the walls the way they are broken up with the windows. Anyway, here they are.

The sign above the pictures says "Celebrate Family, Friends, Traditions". Below are pictures of us and also our friends!

The larger pictures are currently wedding and engagement. We will periodically change them as our family grows.

The long pictures to the left are of waterfalls. They are beautiful pictures, but we aren't totally sure if we like them there, so for now they lean in there place.

See the open closet to the the left of the pictures? That is in fact a closet, this side of the room where all our furniture sits was a bedroom when we moved in. We have 3 bedrooms upstairs and only use 1 so we decided we would rather have a large famly room instead. Anyhow, we are planing on making that a computer area in the near future.

Day By Day

This has been a rough week for me. All the pregnancies and new babies surrounding us has been a lot for me to handle this week. Sometimes all my feelings and emotions just builds up and it all gets to me. With are very close friends welcoming baby Lincoln into the world and seeing how they are settling in has made me wish it was us that much more. I so want to be in that position and getting to know our new baby. I KNOW my day will come, but I am feeling right now that the day is far, far away. If we would not have lost our 1st baby at 10 weeks and 2 days we would currently have an 11 week old! How amazing would that be. On another thought if we would not have lost our 2nd baby at exactly 10 weeks we would be due in about 5 to 6 weeks. The 2nd pregnancy/baby I hold dear to my heart as we actually saw the baby on ultrasound and heard a heartbeat. I do apologize for mourning openly on this blog, but unfortunatly this is what fills my mind these days. I am trying very hard to stay positive and look forward to what will be, not what would have been, but sometimes I slip, just like any normal human being would. Dustin and I have had many discussions about this and we have decided to try 1 more time before we do further treatment. I know that is a risk and that I am setting myself up for yet another loss, but on the other hand the outcome could be a baby for us to love. We are hoping to start trying in the near future. If history repeats itself we don't have any trouble actually getting pregnant (thank God for that) and we should have yet another positive pregnancy test within the next 2 to 3 months. Please pray for us that the "4th time will be a charm"!!!

LinColn

Lincoln arrived yesterday at 1:18pm. He weighed in at 8lbs 2oz and 21" long. Big Boy!! Mom and baby are both healthy and doing well. They should be coming home today or tomorrow!

He is super cute!!

Dustin was so worried about holding him.

So sleepy...

We are so excited to be apart of Lincoln's life and can't wait to watch him grow!

Spring is in Bloom

Now that Spring has sprung my flowers and bushes are growing like crazy!

My new Azalea bush.

The Japeneese maple, got hit by frost 2 years ago, but I think it is finally coming out of it.

Th beginning of my Impatient mound that will be big and full of blooms.

The pink Azalea bush, I wish it was blooming like the white one.

More pics to come as I plant more flowers and as they get bigger and prettier thru the summer.

Life

I am trying to understand life and why things happen that are out of our control, but the more I try the more I don't understand.

I am sitting at work, all my kiddos are sleeping, don't worry I am not neglecting them. :) Anyway, 2 wonderful people that I work with have recently experienced miscarriages and I am again asking why this has to happen to so many people. I never knew how prevalent this was. I know I work on a floor with approx 100 employees of which are mostly women, but come on really. It has just brought back a flood of emotions for me as I know how they are feeling.

Also, as I was talking to a parent this evening and I found myself saying "I just don't understand why so many kids have to be sick". I know it is a question that many people think, especially working in a pediactric hospital. It just doesn't make since!!!

On a much more exciting note, our close friends Mike and Champagne are going to be welcoming baby Lincoln into the world today (5/5/08). They were admitted last night and are schedule to be induced this morning (Monday morning). I am so excited I can hardly stand it!!! I think I have been living vicariously thru their pregnancy and now I can't wait to meet the little one. I will post later with pictures!

MTHFR

I added a link to a blog that is the life of a couple trying to conceive and have a family with the MTHFR mutation ( this women has the same thing I do). As I found and read their blog I felt like I was reading about my own life, with the exception of a few details of course. I thought this may give some of you some insight as to what we have been going thru and experiencing. To get the full story it would be best go to back to the beginning at read the whole thing. They now have a new blog of their 1 year old son. Miracles do happen!!

Scout Has Settled In

New pictures of Scout as promised! It was decided at the vet in Jan that he was 1 year old. So he is now 1 year and 4 months! We have had him since October and I can't imagine not having him in our house. We both LOVE him so much!! He has really been coming out of his shell over the last couple of months, he is no longer afraid of many of the things he was absolutly terrified of when he first came to our house. He now loves to hang out the window when we drive, goes into the garage on his own, even stays outside while the mower is running. We are so proud of him for trusting us and being so brave after having such a horrible puppyhood.

Getting so big! He now weighs 65-70lbs & is on the last hole of his current collar (only the 3rd one he has had since we got him).

It's starting to get warm outside! He just came in from running around outside.

We're Keeping This One!

As mentioned before I ended up not liking the original new furniture we picked out once it was delivered. So I called and it was still within a month of delivery so we could still do an exchange. We went that very day and this is what we picked out. Much better than the black leather!!!

We have even gotten pictures up in our family room since I have taken these. Dustin is sick and asleep on the couch right now, so I will get some more pictures sooner or later. The room feels much cozier with pictures up.